Kirby “Isaac” Macintosh

(Sigmund Freud, looking at the inside of a modern computer) and you say this is called a WHATboard? … Ahhhhhhh. I see…

Idly wondering: at what point does a band name become too long? At what point does the length become a genuine detriment to a band’s possible success? At what point does one look at a band’s name and shake their head and go “well, I certainly won’t be going to their concert if their name is that long?”

I do not have an answer to this question. I do, however, have some stray thoughts:

• The way I measure length here (and the metric by which I think all attempts at Band Name Science ought to do their measuring) is by syllable. I think this is the best way to determine how physically cumbersome something is to say. If you measure in terms of how many words there are that makes, for example, Waxahatchee shorter than The Cure. I lack an equivalent example for letters but the basic principle still applies. The syllable is a good unit for determining length because it dictates the number of sounds you make.
• I don’t think we should include performer names in this question, real or pseudonymous (Luciano Pavarotti does not count as a band name, because he is not a band). I’m not sure where I stand on “(name) and the (band)” type names though. Should it be taken as one whole unit or should they be separated and only the part following the “and” be measured? I don’t know.
• I recognize that in terms of measuring and defining we also need to answer the questions “what exactly is a band?” and “how to we determine it is successful?” and “how do we determine the length of its name interfered with it being successful?” Here’s the thing though: I don’t feel like answering those questions right now. Do it yourself if you want to.
• A weird thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of band names (ones that trend towards the “wordy” side) are six syllables long. My Chemical Romance, My Bloody Valentine, Sixpence None the Richer. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Old Crow Medicine Show, my own band Chamberlains of the Plague. I suspect confirmation bias is at work here though so this might not mean much of anything.
• The longest band name I’m aware of is The West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band, coming in at a whopping eleven syllables. If I recall they were not particularly successful, but that had very little to do with the name being long (I’ll spare you the details; they are sordid to say the least). As such the jury is out on whether eleven syllables is too long.
• I am confident that somewhere out there, in the depths of the internet, there is a page for a band whose name is a full paragraph long. I don’t want to hunt it down. But it almost certainly exists.

An interesting thing about the whole Spotify Wrapped/Apple Music Replay/etc thing having the timing in the year that it does is that there is inevitably a month-long window which will not publicly (unless you decide to share it outside the bounds of Wrapped/Replay/what have you) reflect on your yearly music stats. Your own personal musical dark age if you will. You're free to present your year of music, let all your friends admire your taste, and then spend the entirety of December playing an album of fart sounds on repeat for 24 hours a day with nobody the wiser. Not enough people take advantage of this.